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| Friendsick |
| 10.26.04 (5:30 am) [edit] |
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i wonder how many are called my friends. how many of them can actually see beyond the facade of my pretence.
how many people actually do things, without regreting.
i think there are close to zero if i point them out one by one.
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| Normal |
| 10.23.04 (1:48 pm) [edit] |
actually i dont know how many people i prefer not to expose my life to, have pass here by to peep. maybe thats why i havent been typing a proper entry for such a long time. or maybe, my struggle to blog is gone for good again. like all the words are drown inside inside. i cant even find the words to say.
i dont quite enjoy having silly conversations, and those non-of-my-business kind of sentences are sort of boring, because really, it doesnt concerns me at all. at the end of the day, we are just making bubbles in the air, nice to look at but disappears right at the moment you wants to get closer. and i surely dont enjoy talking about too intellectual, mind boggling stuff too. just makes me think too much, so much so i need to second guess my counterpart, which is darn a tedious work. so maybe you can say, much of my talking is cut down to nothing already. maybe in that way, i can save some of my energy to preserve on the youth i have wasted away.
life interweaves each other huh. till now i think it is such a bad thing to be. (actually from now, i dont really know what im talking about already, because my mind kinda spaced out, so what im typing is like... yaya just works, words...) now i sit at the computer table, waiting for my hair to dry and i think of what i do in this day, all of the days in this week, and all of the weeks in this month, then all of the months that had passed. and realised i hit a step to emptiness where everything that is supposed in the storehouse is gone. the treasures are not even spilled out or should we say, drop out by itself. they just disappeared, into thin air. then your mind starts to question itself: where has all this work gone? you want to ask if someone did throw it away but it sounds like a stupid question to ask. actually all those questions that subsequently popped out are all stupid. because it makes no sense at all to ask someone regarding something which belongs only to you. its like you lose your virginity to a one night stand of foolishness and wakes up in the morning asking, who did i slept with? well, you shouldnt ask who you slept with, or what happened. rather cast the blame on yourself for getting drunk for nothing, and make yourself vulnerable to stupid course of actions.
then you got into so much trouble later on, got questioned by authority with regard to that deed. and you cant explain why it happened. isnt it stupid to ask why you wanted to drink that night. maybe something really did spurred you to go drinking, but then you think again... that surely isnt that cause of all that happened. so how?! blame who?! ask yourself again and again and you start to dream like i am now. stare in blank air as you see your soul dangling in space.
you turn your back against the chair and continue with your work. actually everything remains the same in time now. at least for me. and for now. this dreamy feeling is actually quite good because it keeps me moving on. although times in the night it breaks away and then i realise theres still so much things that havent been resolved. so much i mean.
then you continue to behave normal and wala! everything really is normal. everything is normal. normal...
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| Sims2 |
| 10.21.04 (10:54 am) [edit] |
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Ahhhh!!! my sims2 hang on me. i think its a super obvious sign that i should upgrade my computer soon. but wait a minute, didnt i just got a apple laptop? who cares about the stupid computer! hahaha...
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| Gossips |
| 10.18.04 (9:27 am) [edit] |
it is something that spice up their lives at the expense of other people
maybe friends are really transient...
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| Money grow grow... |
| 10.17.04 (8:53 am) [edit] |
Im gaga-lising over the various banks' offers for a higher interest rate. i need to find a way to grow my money.
someone teach me how all these fixed deposits, time deposits, CPF investments (like i have an account, err...with *rolling eyes), current accounts works.
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| 2046 |
| 10.14.04 (2:47 am) [edit] |
it took five long years before director wong kar wai finally released 2046. "making movie is like loving a very dangerous woman. you have to serve her, make her happy and care for her, or she'll leave you,".
quoted from ST, his latest, tortured love affair is now revealed on screen, in the shape of movie 2046.
"i got the idea for 2046 from the promise made by China that when Hong Kong was handed over in 1997, everything would remain the same for 50 years. i thought, that's a very interesting promise. what does not changing mean? when we are in love, we always wish the other party will never change, but it so seldom happen," he notes.
now that 2046 is done, he confesses to a sense of loss. "i guess it's like going on a long journey, meeting someone on the way, and having to say goodbye."
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| Time is a weird thing like me |
| 10.10.04 (2:06 pm) [edit] |
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time.
We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life.
We've added years to life not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor.
We conquered outer space but not inner space.
We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less.
We plan more, but accomplish less.
We've learned to rush, but not to wait.
We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.
These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.
A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.
Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
-George Carlin-
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| Hack Care |
| 10.08.04 (2:13 pm) [edit] |
dont do anything that makes you sad. and that includes being in a relationship too. i think one should just break off if a relationship proves to be tiring and torturous. no point being in there, hang, and never happy.
everyone wants the best out from the ones they love and obviously, we can never get that, unless your lover is some real faithful and submissive person who listen to every single request of yours. maybe we should just compromise and accept. love your lover as he/she is and they will love you back the same. for one, i dont think i cant readily give him what he wants of me. and i will always try to understand, although im never good at that. im just a insensitive male version of a girl.
where certainty just cannot compromise, and it is killing me from inside, then i think it is better for us to let go. it isnt making my life any happy, is it? drift away and not think about it. in all cases, it will definitely hurt. but time do heal all wounds. and its better to hurt myself, go cry at one stupid corner all nights than make your lover unhappy together with you.
its simple for me to say it. and im trying to work towards that. this idealogy isnt very good, i know. and dont tell me its not because at least it keeps me a happy person, do what i want, because im quite hack care already.
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| Workaholic |
| 10.07.04 (3:58 pm) [edit] |
I have problem with this. im a highly dangered workaholic who cant stop once started. someone need to stop me...
finally, good night...
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| Auntie's Perogative |
| 10.07.04 (2:31 pm) [edit] |
theres many about nothing actually.
so says reh, the pro, who thinks im a wicked person. i bastard everyone possible. maybe i really do. im not in the condition to show mercy to anyone. and as i was talking to alvin about how i go around bastarding people. we do actually realise there aint such things as a good group or perfect group. when you agrees that there is, it simply means you're the free rider in there and leeching from the rest of the people. and if not, you will obviously be the person who goes around complaining heaven and earth and hell to everyone like i do.
neither am i in the best condition to account for anything. so to say, im actually quite customed to this already, if im still the old me, i probably run away to far far land and avoid all these questions. i hate accountability. im going to take up a new case again. actually i dont think im fit or rather, i dont think i can be responsible enough to settle the case now. argh. why do i feel quietly ashamed to go see him :(
it's a cool night dude... wish everyday could just be the same, be happy, end the day, go makan, at some wulu walu place, make silly jokes of people we see, tease each other, and go home, and dozed off drooling... :oops: came back and dozed off all the way till when you messaged. i was drooling, dont know about what also but i guess it's a nice sleep.
ooo! and let's script together! wahaha, although i know nuts about scripting... nevermind, i can disturb uncle while you work. :P
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| Gastric Pain-ing |
| 10.03.04 (3:55 pm) [edit] |
i now have 2 lavender scented pillow and a blue cooling gel pad for my eyes. packs and packs of stickers promised to lighten my darks circles, eye gel to keep them cooled. but i think they are not getting me anywhere.
i feel so stuffed now. i cant eat properly and i cant pass out properly too. i feel so hungry, and constipated at the same time. :(
i must draw out my list. if not i will never get what i want:
- another year supply of contact lenses
- new bible, must be soft cover one
- that pair of sneakers
- that jersey which i promised alvin i would buy for him
- facial, alvin said i got blackheads :( being so me, i spent 1 hour after bathing, trying to squeeze all out when i know im just gonna make my pores grow bigger and worse
- iskin
- another jacket please, i swear i hate apple from now on. she bought that army green shirt i wanted to buy. but well, i didnt have the ching ching... so :( (i think i do look nice in army green now, more green please...)
and i wanna get that bursary! so i can get all these with a blink of my eyes ;) by the way, i had a revelation today. i think i understand why people have been calling me auntie nowadays when they used to call me tai-tai before. because of my transformation from rich to being economical now... hahaha...
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| Holiday come please |
| 10.01.04 (2:05 pm) [edit] |
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i feel that you are... very much single. very carefree, you have no need to report to anybody, to worry about anyone. worry-er and worry-ee. i am a worry-ee but seriously, i prefer being the worry-er. or, i rather not worry at all, if you understand what i mean. maybe im too contented with what i have.
dont ask me how would it be like to be with someone else. please dont ask me again.
i dont understand why i choose to put up with some people and some others are never given the chance to let themselves out.
why do people compare? because we are given the option to, we feel like it, we look up to the thing high enough to even consider it comparable.
uncle bope, i think i prefer infernal affairs to new police story. and, im sorry i said those words. humans should not be compared.
im not very lovable actually. im getting from bad to worse. when you realise it, im dead.
by the way, my anti-plagiarism article got picked up by Straits Times and was ran in one of the issues in Sept. and i only found out today :X well well, still damn happy about it. to think that the editors of ST actually read my story! im so thrilled over this. why do all bad rumors go around so quickly yet my story kena followed up the nation's biggest publication and the writer didnt even know about it. hmmm...
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