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| My heart is pumping so fast it gonna jump out! |
| 05.30.04 (10:08 pm) [edit] |
guess what? bel and me got into the ulltimate challenge finals! its really unthinkable, unbelievable and... i dont know what to say now!
its just 3 days away and im so going to run till i drop dead on the floor. i must not let the people down. at least come back with a victor smile.
woohoo! i cant imagine what it will be like!
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| Drank and aching all over |
| 05.29.04 (10:58 am) [edit] |
for somebody like me who does not drink, today is like tomorrow never comes. i bottled a quarter of chiva regel and is still typing here.
it was alvin birthday - quiet and peaceful one compared to years before. passed his 21th and reached his 22nd, he must have alot of thinking done today. ;) im the worm in your stomach too. he is marking the end of his 2 slavery years to national service and touching the golden 25 millionaire dream. soon he will be getting out there to work, if not continue his studies (which he wouldnt dare venture for oversea ones).
my wish for you - to do the things you are happy about and excel in them. i know you can do it, you have the child-likeness in you which will set your potential released at top blaster speed which blows people off. but 1 thing i want to warn you - be careful in your spendings. although i know you werent true when you mentioned you wanted to tour the world (like me), nevetheless save some money man! or else how to marry me?!?!?!?! geeeeeeee...
the next 2 weeks would be days of my life without Jo. too bad i wont be the one rising up to the occasion, so i shall meteor it all the way!!!
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| Beginning to feel cool... |
| 05.27.04 (10:11 am) [edit] |
yeah! hahahaa... im feeling happy now, you may feel im stupid but this is exactly how i want to be like...
now my lonely soul companion (my pc) is crashed and im using a temporary 'lappy' from trimedia. it really cocks but at least allow me to come online a few minutes everyday to get connected and do the things i need to.
my handphone is confiscated and i, officially got no connection to the outside world including the gang, bb, church, school and sec sch mates.
well, what do you think of me now? dont it sounds exactly like how it will be when i go travelling in years to come? when im out in the world, i wont have a belonging to anywhere, no sense of connection back home and no yearning to keep in contact with the rest. i can even imagine the folks reading my blog everyday as a mean of knowing my roundabout! thats real cool!
of all, i guess the best is having no string attachment, no commitment, no responsibility and no worries. i can do what i want to and yeah... be free!
free bird...
back to reality, tomorrow is the ultimate challenge. God, transform me into forrest gump and let life be a box of chocolate! wahaha... im drooling again...
and guess what? i passed my PR, God is really faithful. he comes at the right time, not too late and too early. do the work He need to and disappear quietly. :D its then my job to glorify His name and renouce His goodness in my life...
im really thankful, bless God, bless His name. Hallelujah!
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| Wishing for my Meteor rain |
| 05.26.04 (10:07 am) [edit] |
had an eventful week so far... gonna be still for the rest of it, so keep an outlook for the latest updates.
today i brought james around bugis, my favourite place of all in singapore(for the bargains and beauty - ooo, like me!). yeah, bought him a chinese top. its orangey brown and he likes it, actually we both agree on it. its like, at one glance, we commented in unison. he got another racer top, i dont really like it cause it looks agressive and well he likes it for that very point.
ate alot too; tutu cake, goreng pisang, chinese dumplings, chinese chestnuts(he insist its called that, and when we walked to the back of market, there sticked a signboard stating it - well, you've got that). wanted him to try bak kwa but he says hes full.
we took a long walk down to somewhere near national library and back to bugis. chatted on lots of issue. feminism and the patriarch, authority and beliefs, racism and relationships. hah, we really talk alot. in him, i found the person i wanted to be. he said about how english people are individualistic in culture. they are very much on their own, have their own idea, thinking and ways of exploration.
we spoke about the church, how he tries very hard to fit into our culture and do the things we do. a man who wants to do the things i should and a woman who wants to do the thing he used to. apart from me, hes going back to england and continue his studies. hes really single handed and strong, putting away all the obstacles that might stop him from achieving his goals. he travelled (what i want to do in 2 years time) and have been to many places, did many things and reserved many memories. he challenged and is challenging authorities, fight for truth in his own sense on understanding (nevetheless, seeking the ways and plans of God for himself).
i think i will miss him, miss talking to him and sharing my thoughts. miss arguing with him and explaining all my sort of theories and ideology.
above all, i wish to be like him(haiz, thats what he said: i will regret and say it one day). i want to be carefree like him, although many things of his inner thoughts and feelings i do not know of. i want to be genuine and true to my own feelings and beliefs. i want to be innocent as a child and experience a brand new life.
i wish so much.
he said if i really want to go, i would because... nothing can hold me back, nothing. maybe for him, yes. as for me, im a woman who is committed to another man, who have many wishes and dreams waiting for me to help him fulfil.
God says in the Bible, he will reward those who earnestly seeks after another man dreams for he is the one who loves others more than himself. well, i guess it doesnt really applies here and i dont want to hear from anyone that it does.
really, im still wishing. like hantu says, if you have to go, you have to. or you will and should just die away for theres no more life in you.
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| I got the most (its beyond words of description) shock today |
| 05.22.04 (11:14 am) [edit] |
it really keep me thinking. how can she ever do something like this? it blows my mind off to even think about it now. it really brings me back to the chinatown, conspired lie again. too bad, if i were to feel cheated today, someone else would be even so.
the girl who 'cheated' me on the chinatown incident, shes her closest friend and sister and this lie was kept from her for half a year. im near to speechless and this is another thing that cant get off my mind for the whole night.
OMG! even as im blogging now and chatting to another friend, he just confessed to me!!! GOD!!! why like this!?!?!?!? wtf, and the elders in his church also know yet they dont do anything about it. im totally amazed. no wonder, christians today can be so...
im waiting to see the actions of the leaders. i wish they dont just not do anything. it is destroying the purity of Christ. well i got no rights to judge too. but if they dont do anything, i guess i will have another totally new perspective of leaders in church from now...
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| I spoke to Pangster and Brendan :D |
| 05.21.04 (8:11 am) [edit] |
oh great. its been a long time since i last talked to them. i miss them so much! pang have so much fun at tokyo and brendan is withering from lonliness in brisbane. well, he still have his skateboard and many other exploration work to do, so get your arse up and be like pang! stop playing ur counter strike and the dont know what stupid year game!
pang was telling me on how he eat bread from 7-11 everyday. i feel so pitiful for him, hahahaha... its considered cheap there for all the rest of the food is like WOW. hahahaha... and hps are cheap like hell, 75 bucks for a cam phone. another thing, going to the supermart must go after 8pm, thats when all the food price are cut for war. so u probably can buy home and keep for the next morning. good enough for pang, he cooks bean sprouts etc for food. and i am here, teasing and laughing at his culinary, to think that i dont even know how to whip a simple sunny-side-up egg. he sent me some photos too. the sceneries are fabulous! never seen flowers like this before... and his picture in sleeping suit looks... hahaha...
well, thats what im pinning for. to live a life for myself, even if im forced to be independent... i want to be free...
as for the conversation with Brendan, its personally, not for the eyes of people to see. so it ends here.
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| I understand what you meant |
| 05.21.04 (1:24 am) [edit] |
im beginning to get confused, doubtful and lonely. things pointing at me that makes me seem guilty, untrustworthy and unreliable.
even the closest friends you have around can do this to you, what other things in the world cant? yesterday's scolding was not the first but i hope it will be the last. sounds positive do i? nope, making it the last is just the symbolism of the end. just kill me off from this work. let me go! probaby the reason why she dont is because she still see the capability in me, the want to love and serve, the ability to lift the lead.
i dont really want this anymore. sherin is going for leadership class soon. i remember the time when we set resolutions for this year. to carry Courage with us all the way, to fight and never stop to rest, to ponder over unnecessary idiotic protecting stuff.
i realised i cant. i stopped for too long, to defend for her, to blame myself or caused to be blamed. selfish i see her as. biased might be the word that spilt her words from hers. to be seen a liar. yes i am. am making myself one too. to break away from this tiresome work and journey.
we are all left with half a year to graduation but im throwing myself away from. to see the rest accomplish their goals, and cry in triumph. yes, you should run even faster, cover more land but this is not my cup now. :)
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| Meteor with weiwei is the best! |
| 05.20.04 (9:06 am) [edit] |
yeah! hes really da best! he got the volume 2 for me!!! im so happy, i shall see him tomorrow since i got nothing on. and after i get the part 1 from clara, i will have the full set 1 and 2!!! hooray! do not envy me, go out and search for your own!
anyway, meteor is good today. i am just 3 episode away from the final, so i shall give myself a break after the on-air viewing.
im turning emo again now. i shall stop all my blogging. *sob
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| Good Morning |
| 05.19.04 (6:10 pm) [edit] |
ok, am at foo place now. finished a night of movie marathon and just sent my dear to physio. he gonna take his driving test today, so all people cross your fingers! hahahaha... ok enough of teasing, i hope he really pass so he can drive me around and i dont have to worry about transport anymore! ;)
anyway, had a great night. wonder if foo mum caught us both sleeping together or not... she will be unhappy if she really does!
i wanna go for more marathon... like be a potato couch and shut my eyes no for 2 full days and nights to finish meteor-ing, hahaha!!! stupid lala nv bring, how to watch like this?!??!?!!? must wait again then.
lets wait, good things needs patience to add on to its goodness.
[i]life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you gonna get...[/i]
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| Wow! Im happy now! |
| 05.19.04 (1:36 am) [edit] |
for once i can finally add another entry. i attempt to type for 3 times and Tblog moved house, while unpacking i just finished another entry and it cant be posted.
so i must say about my daomingsi adventure again and give it the last shot.
i watched the most exciting, heart-breaking and saddening episode yesterday at the wee hour.
daomingsi revealed his recovery to shancai and lei when he found out they are on their way of getting together. on another hand, he has to continue his beautiful lie and love yesha who was stricken with sickness.
shage made the best analogy; daomingsi should never tell yesha about his recovery, that he still loves shancai but however, continue to stay by her and make it a beautiful lie of love. while all this can happen, the lie is actually the real happiness yesha can have ever. and with this, daomingsi can actually cheat her in darkness yet hurt himself as well as shancai as much to leave her.
man... this is not a good solution. 3 parties are hurt in a way or another.
daomingsi should never be in this mess. clear enough, anyone who knows me well will know i choose the road of lie.
hurt is already made, why cause it further?
ok, this entry didnt really end off positive again... like someone always says...
[i]oh well....[/i]
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| GEMINI WOMAN |
| 05.19.04 (1:21 am) [edit] |
A good looking woman with brains, a very interesting person. She has a fast
movement and she could not sit still or stand still long. She is able to do
many things at the same time and do it fast. If you date her, you will feel
like dating many women at the same time. You can not tie her down with the word
"Love" because she cares about love but is it not a major factor of
her life. You have to be able to adjust yourself to get along with her many
different characters.
She is a dreamer and has many dreams. She is eager to learn
something new all the time. Even she is the 2 in 1 mixed character type, she is
quite lucky in love. You have to put all your efforts to win her affection.
Even when she likes you and wonder about your wit, she will also see and
inspect your bad side at the same time, because it is in her nature.
She able to keep all kinds of mixed emotions without annoying you or letting you
know at all. She can cheer you up by acting like a free little bird. Her
conversation will not bore you. She is able to talk to you in any subjects. She
can make you feel like you are the luckiest man alive. She can make you feel
like she needs all your care, but once she needs to stand alone, she can stand
alone firmly and comfortably.
She can be your best buddy and talk to you about anything. She can
join all your activities with the same energy that you have. She is a quick a
wit person and learn new things very fast. She can see your projects and she
can give you good advice. If she thinks you are not sure that you want her for
yourself, she will act like your best friend only, a cool woman.
She can easily make a guy fall in love with her. Her multiple changes and many
moods is a "Charm" for many men. She can be laughing for 2 minutes
and later suddenly quiet. She wants to find only 1 true love and she wants to
meet her dream guy. She expects a lot and nearly too much. She is constantly
waiting for her knight shinning armor even she is with a steady boyfriend. She
can fall in love or fond of someone else while she is with you. If you break up
with her, she will forget you quite fast, because change is in her nature. The
Gemini woman breaks more heart than woman in other Zodiac. Because she is a
dreamer and always waiting for her knight shinning armor ,so her love life can
be complex or a mess.
She hates to write a long letter, so if you write her a letter and expect a
prompt reply, forget it. Because she has a multiple personality and multiple
ideas, so she hates to put them down in written proof. Because she knows what
she belief today can be different tomorrow.
She could communication with more than 1 language, a real gifted linguistic. If
she wants to tell you any bad comments, she won't say it straight away, but she
will talk to you about many other things and accidentally come to that subject
without offending you. Normally she will not lie.
She will work hard and once a while take a long rest. She can get
bored and tired with her own surrounding more than at work. She never feels
content with her present work, money, or reputations, she will drive to have
more.
Don't ask her what is her ultimate contentment for she will not have an answer.
Once you get to know her, she will be a supportive person and always
be beside you. She has a beautiful dream and she loves to have someone walk
side by side with her, together and equally.
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| Jimmy Eat World - Hear you me |
| 05.14.04 (12:02 pm) [edit] |
[i]There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go.
I never said thank you for that.
I thought I might get one more chance.
What would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
So what would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
And if you were with me tonight,
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
god wouldn't let it live.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.[/i]
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| Meteor Garden-ing |
| 05.14.04 (11:55 am) [edit] |
it has definitely caused another sleepless night in me.
just finished my daily dosage of it... it has been my means of support and dependance since school closed. dont wanna go out unnecessarily, do things that requires extra effort and energy. in simple words, to waste my time and life away by the seconds, like how i type and type this entry.
shancai shancai, so many friends so many care-givers in her life... such a brave and strong girl she is. for those who dont know who i am, im also the shancai to my friends around me. the difference is? i am not strong, not firm, always unsure of what i want.
i have missed so much in life and i am still continuing to waste it. i have build for myself a distinction, a distinction to lead and guide the lost. but im throwing it away now, hiding from everyone possible. i have build for myself many precious friendships, many that i have thrown away with my bare hands, for my own time and selfishness took a higher stand than them. when they needed me most, i wasnt there to lend a shoulder yet sleeping like a log at home, rejecting phone calls and not replying to sms-es. i have made for myself a mark, reputable one which i destroyed with my own interests in hand.
i want to run, run to another world of isolation, to another place unfamiliar. to start afresh you may say, can i? the past always rings in the future like how daomingsi wants to run away from his past. in his own pursue, he hurt shancai, he accused her for manipulating him. how could he? its hurting, i know. i guess thats prob the reason why i loof to be shancai sometimes, i just cant live up to that name, im not a fighter, just merely a survival.
im still selfish, im still dwelling within this 4 walls, to cry to sob for my own, to miss someone and hate myself for pushing away him. to not have the courage to love. i regret, not returning his happiness to him. i regret that i chased away someone who possibly could return love i like it to be...
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| With response to my fellow Christian mate |
| 05.10.04 (11:01 am) [edit] |
you know what... u should have move on from this place that you have been after so long. this only showed me that you did not change, still halting at where you were before. you asked for God's revelation to show you what it really means when all the rest are speaking in a opposing voice, ask yourself, are you deserving this revelation? the reason why Jesus spoke in parables to the people is to save them. because only those who have a heart to do His Will will see his glory. n those who do not, will never know and understand this deep knowledge even if he got someone to explain to him. and if you ever do understand and not want to do His Will, you will be casted out, because you are ignorant and wilful.
if you are prepared to control yourself from getting into a SERIOUS relationship, to really desire for a soul companion, to love and to give. then will God reveal His explanations. because you are so fiddle, so unstable. jumping in and out of love all this while for a want to replace the lost in your empty heart.
dont say that these people will be lost if we are honour our protection more than their salvation. Jesus mixed with the non-believers(the tax collecter and prostitues) when he was in his ministry and didnt he say the greatest commission, "Love your neighbour as yourself"?
i also mix with non-believers most of the time, didnt i invite you to join me again in church when i first knew you werent loving God? reaching out to lost souls are our purpose, to do great works and show the world what kind of God we serve. but gettiing into relationship where blood are mixed between clean and unclean is undesirable in His eyes for His Word says, "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?" do you understand this phrase?
i got a dubious feeling you still dont understand what i mean... hahahahahaha...
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| 王菲: 我愿意 |
| 05.07.04 (1:58 am) [edit] |
思念是& #19968;种很&# 29572;的东 5199; 如影 随行
无声又& #26080;息出&# 27809;在心 4213; 转眼 吞没我& #22312;寂寞&# 37324;
我无力& #25239;拒 特别是& #22812;里 哦 想你到& #26080;法呼&# 21560;
恨不能& #31435;即 朝你狂& #22868;去 大声的& #21578;诉你~
我愿意& #20026;你 我愿意& #20026;你 我愿意& #20026;你 忘记我& #22995;名
就算多& #19968;秒 停留在& #20320;怀里 失去世& #30028;又不&# 21487;惜
我愿意& #20026;你 我愿意& #20026;你 我愿意& #20026;你 被放逐& #22825;际
只要你& #30495;心 拿爱与& #25105;回应 （我）& #20160;麽都&# 24895;意
什麽都& #24895;意 为你
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| Oh My GOOOOOOOODNESS! |
| 05.06.04 (10:13 am) [edit] |
i cant stand it anymore! this itching is getting on me, its becoming worst than ever! the whole back of my both thighs are bubbling with rash-like pimples.... the feeling? when you run your fingers down my thigh, you feel like you are touching a face full of acne and after some time, these pops sink into the skin, leaving a smooth texture (like before) and turn into black red dots! AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok, enough of my nightmare, i shall enter my dreamland now...
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| I am made angry again! |
| 05.05.04 (1:30 am) [edit] |
fuck the shop below my house! better watch out for you have offended someone who you think is easy to prey on.
my young innocent, ignorant brother of 13 years old went down to the shop to print 13 sheets of paper and only find out when the printing is finished that, it costs 50cents per sheet. which total up to $6.50.
ran up to me and told me about it and ask me to settle the problem.
of course i went and very commonly and totally rude, he hurled insults at me saying its unreasonable for me to not pay up when we have gotten them to do the printing.
and on my side, of course, i tried to be very nice to the man and explained that my brother do not know the printing cost and thought it was the normal photocopying rate(10cents).
and as he was in this business for 20 over years, he should know that minors do not have a sense of price and purchasing ethics and knowledge and skills. he as a business person, should then inform my brother before hand about the price which my brother totally do not know of.
i denied paying up and he threaten to call the police. of course, you think i would be scared and say "ok,i'll pay". hahaha, i didnt. i told him, "its totally unreasonable, and there will be no way i will pay up. if you want to call the police, go ahead and i will make my report also."
immediately, he flared and said, "you go! we are not doing your business anymore!" even asked his wife to remember who i am and my brother name. i purposely called my brother's name out loud to make them remember who he is so they dont do his business also.
who wants to buy things from this kind of shop? i have save my brother from being cheated again if he goes there ever.
think about it... he said, "when you go and buy something, you wont ask even if theres no price tag sticked unto the product because you know about where the price stand for each kind". are you sure you will never not ask about the price? for one thing im sure, i would. if not, every place will not have its goods sticked with price tag, its to alert the buyer, bodoh!
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| Im cursed! |
| 05.04.04 (10:41 am) [edit] |
tell you the truth, im beginning to think like this.
dont know for whatever reason, there always seem to have something with me that... whatever my hand touches, it will be cursed.
i have good reasons for it...
CG: since i took over, attendance have been dropping. always getting into trouble with members, not that i didnt handle the problem badly, but always, i dont seem to have the charisma or power whatever you call it for them to listen to me
TV: goodness, my guest can even run away on the actual recording itself and not even answering our phone calls but to reject them one by one. TV have to be pushed back till a much later day when everyone was either relaxing or enjoying their holidays away
PR: for every proj i did with Yusuf and Priya which essentially means PR (cos we did everything together), we barely just passed or fail them horribly. and i got an bloody F when they have a D.
WebD: having my Dear with all my web work, i have always gotten a A for it. but with the last project i did with Yusuf, thou Alvin set the foundations for us, i know in my heart its going to be very badly scored, for one thing, its not his kind of style. mind you, not that my Dear didnt do the work this time, but rather because i set my hands on it.
Tuition: the kid is constantly failing, with his previous teachers, he never did so. i have no idea why...
Human relations: im never good at it and i guess i never will... well, if you wanna know how well-liked you are, just take some time to think how many people had approached you for a word of counsel...
Finance: im forever so broke... my bursary fee is gone in just 4 months! dont ask me why, for one thing i can proudly say, i havent bought myself any kind of luxury stuff since CNY
haiya, i dont wanna continue anymore. admit im just cursed. for every thing, i have something to talk about. wanna find out more? ask me.
you may say teaching, doing that particular subject is just not my cup of tea and so i dont do well... i refuse to think so. because im not like this last time. the other possible reason is possibly somethings i did that displease God and He's pronoucing a plague over me...
My Dear said no-no!, and even made me follow him say,"I'm Blessed!", continuing, he said for im God child. yes i want to think so too. but God seem so far this time, i feel like im pleading with the Big one up there to spare me this rod of punishment. not like i can run to Him in times of help... *sob to bed.
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| Unbelivably Crunchy! |
| 05.04.04 (1:58 am) [edit] |
I just tasted the most incredible green grapes from my fridge!
it feels like apple when you bite on it... and does not spurt out any juicy taste of a grape.
Now i feel my mouth is left with a weird feelin', like the texture is not right...
oh well, im suppose to be studying... be to it guys, see you in a week's time... keep loving me and i need all your prayers now. really... im damn [i]suay[/i] to get F for my CA.
[Yahoo!]www.yahoo.com[/url], study here man, its the first time im doing so...
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| Personality Test is the most laughable ever. |
| 05.01.04 (11:35 pm) [edit] |
I.
Priorities in your life:
love
career
family
pride
money
II.
You would describe your own personality as being warm and loyal
You would describe your partner's personality as being cunning
You would describe your enemy's personality as being dirty
You interpret sex as being undrinkable
You would describe your own life as being lovely
III.
brendan will never forget you.
You consider margaret as your real friend.
You really love annabel.
Your soul-mate is probably alvin.
You will always remember sherin for the rest of your life.
http://www.naucon.net/misc/tests/anim_color s.htm" title="http://www.naucon.net/misc/tests/anim_color s.htm" target="_blank"http://www.naucon.net/misc/te...
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